Purchase of New Safe Comes With a Bonus

Purchase of New Safe Comes With a Bonus

As a society, many of us have become accustomed to the made-easy nature of making online purchases. Usually you can get incredible deals when purchasing through an online retailer. But for larger items, after you tack on those hefty shipping costs the deal doesn’t always seem so sweet.

Though, when you get $425,000 worth of high-grade marijuana included with your purchase, those shipping costs are insanely more tolerable.

Recently a gentleman from Ohio made a purchase of a 6ft tall, 1000lb safe from an online retailer to store his firearms in preparation for a zombie apocalypse, the U.S. Government attempting to disarm citizens, or whatever the fuck it is he needs a safe full of guns for.


Much to his surprise, the $1,700 purchase just-so-happened to have 10 bails of top-shelf marijuana enclosed with it.

It seems the manufacturing plant of Champion Safe Co. is located in Nogales, Mexico. After completion, the safes are packed by local inmates and ready to be delivered.


Shelby County Sheriff, John L. Lenhart said in a press conference, “My first thought was ‘Holy Shit that’s a lot of reefer.’ But I was more taken back at the sophistication of this operation. I mean, put the drugs inside of something inconspicuous and ship them? Who would of thought? They’re clearly light years ahead of us.”


The man who received the package wanted to remain anonymous, but was able to comment on his recent experience. “I bought the safe with hopes of storing illegal magazines and ammo in it. But somebody beat me to the punch with using it for storing illegal shit. I told the cops I’ll take it from here and destroy the drugs by burning them a pinch at a time.”


We explained to the anonymous recipient of the safe he was probably in very imminent danger, seeing how this is probably related to the Mexican drug cartels in one way or another. He didn’t seem to mind and claimed his new safe had “all the protection he needed.”

*Editor’s Note: The anonymous recipient was found murdered execution style in his home shortly after HiLounge’s communication with him.