Who Gives a F#$k What the Fox Says?

So around the time I started seeing this unbelievable piece of shit with extremely high production value make the rounds on social media in the beginning stages, I couldn’t help but think, “Really? Again?” Not one more tongue-in-cheek attempt by a foreign entertainer to prove that if someothing is marketed and exposed properly, Americans will eat it up. And majority of them will lick the plate (metaphorically, of course) clean. It wasn’t until I heard someone legitimately ask me if I had heard the song until I realized that this was one more music novelty with theme and motif to boot that people have some strange affinity to gravitate towards. I’m sure these Norwegian idiots are laughing all the way to the bank with the licensing (because they minded their business p’s and q’s to capitalize on all this hoopla) with Halloween costumes and anything they can slap a logo or tag line on. I highly doubt you’re unaware of everything mentioned here thus far, but if you are, basically there’s these two Norwegian gentlemen who have a variety show of sorts where they just kind of prank people, hangout, and joke around as the routine for their show. And they’re very much celebrities in their respective country. As for their show, typical foreign day time show that makes absolutely no sense to Americans. No matter, the duo is name Ylvis which phonetically is pronounced Elvis. The nerve of these jamokes. And the gumption of any red-blooded American to ever entertain the idea to use the name of The King for these two blonde headed morons that sound like...

The Pepper

Around the time I moved to Florida, there was a moment I was rocking my game like a pro. I had an incredible bachelor pad with all the fixings to make the ladies crumble. Candles, large framed picture of Audrey Hepburn, a modern feel, just everything that created a wow factor. I had recently met an incredible girl who was a general manager for a high-end restaurant and she worked hard, but certainly played just as hard. She knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it. She told me once, “my time is valuable and I’m not in the business of wasting it.” So with this highly touted commodity, I realized that when I had my opportunity to impress her, it was a narrow window that I had to slide through just at the right angle if I wanted to make this work. I started weighing my options for what I could do to implement a strategy and ultimately end up on the right side of her good graces. I had been killing it in the kitchen and thought there was no way for me impress her with a restaurant, since her restaurant was pretty much top-billing for the immediate area. After our next conversation, it turns out I was on target. I asked her what she would like to do for the evening, she claimed, “I honestly don’t give a shit what we do as long as it’s not in a service situation. I don’t want to see a restaurant or bar anywhere near me or I might lose my fucking mind if I do.”...

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